November is National Caregiver’s Month according to the National Family Caregiver’s Association. These individuals certainly deserve our attention and accolades. It is noteworthy, however, that the term “caregiver” often rankles individuals with young-onset PD. I don’t think this should be surprising.

Those who know me or have followed my blogs are aware that I do not like the term “caregiver,” particularly as applied to a spouse or partner who is simply following through on a relationship vow made when both were healthy. For them, “sickness and health” was a meaningful obligation. These are men and women of character who stand by their partner through the best of times and the worst of times. They do it without getting paid, often incurring a significant economic hardship due to a decreased presence in the workforce.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of heavens dance between you.
- Kahlil Gibran’s

Recently, my work with families touched by Parkinson’s has caused me think of a verse about marriage in Kahlil Gibran’s classic, The Prophet. Much of the stress and difficulty arising in the PD relationships can be traced to forgetting to “let the winds of heaven dance between you” (the partners). This failure is what therapists call emotional dependence.